I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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