my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
