Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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