giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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