meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
