Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
