i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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