Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
