that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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