I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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