Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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