My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
