My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
