i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize