Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I know her cup size but not her name....
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
