dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Your penis caused this!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
