Christians are straight up FREAKS
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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