i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Found your dick twin last night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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