Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
