somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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