just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
