I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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