I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
