im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
