i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
