If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize