I love black thongs
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize