If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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