Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i've created a new STD.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize