honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
