Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize