a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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