Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
