He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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