You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
