i barfeds in our rink
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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