i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
