It's like a parade of train wrecks.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
