I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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