i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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