The brown eye won't let me do that either.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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