the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
