So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
In America we eat man semen.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
