I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
