i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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