Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
