I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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