I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
