I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize
