There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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