that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
