the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Your cock deserves a montage
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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