i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
True strength comes from lack of pants
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
