I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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