I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
