Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
