I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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