i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
