one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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