Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
