I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
