Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
