Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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