Yo dont text me then not text me
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
