umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
