fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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