but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
