Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He better not be in your backpack
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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